6.17.2024
Lessons of Menopause
By Stefanie Sacks, MS, CNS, CDN
From March 13 until April 18, 2020, I battled a severe case of COVID. During that time, I turned 51 years young! Illness can change your body in unexpected ways. For five long weeks, incessant fevers, severe night sweats, breathing trouble, and a host of other symptoms left me with a diminished appetite and overwhelming emotional stress. As a petite, athletic woman, I worried about losing too much weight. How wrong I was.
The fevers and night sweats evolved into hot flashes and even more night sweats. Instead of my flat stomach getting flatter, it got fatter. My breasts, already somewhat large for my frame, became even larger. My curvy-ish body, simply put, became rounder. I didn't recognize myself.
At first, I was convinced that COVID was the culprit. But as time passed and my health and routine returned, it was clear that the body I once knew was changed.
As a survivor of early childhood trauma, self-loathing was a daily struggle for me. Despite decades of healing, certain triggers persist, and menopause is a significant one. The physical changes of this inevitable phase, coupled with its emotional toll, have deeply challenged me.
For most of my life, a positive self-image was elusive. Despite appearing as a petite athletic blonde who was socially adept and academically successful, few saw the turmoil within that led to eating disorders, emotional instability, and dark thoughts. That outward image, however, provided a semblance of stability amid internal chaos.
Though the reflection in the mirror may not always be familiar, finding strength and beauty in our ongoing transformation is essential.
Now, in the midst of menopause, my body no longer fits that familiar mold. The petite athletic blonde persona is fading, and learning to accept this new reality while maintaining self-worth is part of my current journey. Although my view may seem distorted, it is very real for me. Never forget that we are all fighting our own battles.
Surely many women can empathize with feeling estranged from their bodies, whether due to menopause or other life changes. The real challenge lies in how we navigate this experience. While I don’t claim to have all the answers, prioritizing self-care—from nutrition and exercise to sleep—and cultivating self-compassion are crucial. I also rely on a small circle of trusted friends and healthcare professionals. In addition, sharing my experiences with others has been invaluable.
Though the reflection in the mirror may not always be familiar, finding strength and beauty in our ongoing transformation is essential.
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